Temporary Insecurity Sparks Realization of Interior Motives

I'm feeling very alone right now. We went out and about today and I bought some really awesome stuff, and then we went to a huge acrobatics show which was amazing. But I suppose I feel alone because my family is kind of bugging me. My aunt and cousin bicker quite often, pretty much every 15 minutes, because my cousin has a really poor attitude most of the time and my aunt is constantly trying to act authoritative. They're also pretty much complete opposites of me. I'm silly and random and will crack up laughing at the slightest amusement, whereas they all have really dry, weird senses of humor. They're also very unsympathetic about anything and everything. They never go with the flow or just let things go, everything is something to complain or whine or debate about. And they are very uncompassionate. Today we were walking on the street to go to Shanghai Center, and this young toddler came up to us begging. Now, I didn't expect him to give the kid money or anything, but when the little boy approached us and started touching my uncle's leg, he practically kicked him a way. A few seconds later he rolled his eyes in disgust, saying, 'too many stupid beggars.' I just can't stand that! How horrible!

I guess the second reason I feel alone is that I feel very inadequate. Today I bought this cute little black and red Chinese halter dress, and I tried it on about 20 minutes ago to see if it fit. And it did, but barely. Now, I know the Chinese are naturally more petite than Americans, but it's shocking to me to almost not fit into something. It looks nice I guess, but I showed my aunt and uncle and after all the initial compliments, my aunt said 'Yes, it looks wonderful. Maybe just lose a little weight from the stomach down and you'll be fine. You know, a few too many cheesburgers, maybe?' And while I laughed it off at the time, it really hurt. I really don't know how I could have let this happen. I've never worried about my weight until this year. Last year: size zero or below, 95 lbs. This year: size 5-7, 115lbs. Alex and Michael, you guys may be joking with the whole Thunder Thighs bit, but I'm glad you brought it to my attention. I never really realized how I looked, but maybe now I can focus more on what I'm eating and lose some weight before I get back. Maybe that'll be my summer goal. No more McDonald's or Taco Bell or KFC, no more eating between meals. I'm not going to let this get any worse.

Anyway, I must go, my bed beckons. Have a wonderful night and comment to say hello if you haven't already!
-me