Saturated Saturday

It is a thing to laugh at when I see
love's prospect drowning us in memory
each hour we pine, and recollect the days
of glimmering coves and hidden ivy ways

Our souls grow older, yet they dance around
and flickers between eyes sing without sound
Oh love! That steals all color and all hue
It gives them all a thousand times to you

Each room is dimmer now than was before
unless your essence luminates its core
A voice once eager now delights in calm
selecting words to fit dear Passion's psalm

So still we wander, backwards to them all
away from earth's reprised chameleon call
into the hallowed caverns, clear and chilled
of moments knowing moment's hope fulfilled

The Love Song of F. Alfred Prufrock

Today I obtained a copy of the Selected Poems of T. S. Eliot, and I am absolutely astounded at the brilliance of his work. It makes me want to hop on the South Shore and go to Chicago at this very moment so I can go sit in that park off of Michigan Avenue and read poetry while the last drops of daylight drip down the mural wall like delectibly warm paint. One of my fondest memories that I should update soon. I must gather some Chicago-loving friends and take a trip.

I will place my hand in his
across the wasted threads of rhyme
and bound about the corners
ever splintered and sublime
we shall sit upon the crest
of an ocean green and flowing
And wonder at our brilliant way
of loving without knowing
When ink no longer holds the thoughts
pressed tight into the pages
The memory of moment's grasp
turns simpletons to sages
And this shall be our paradigm:To live like we are out of time.

It won't be the first heart that you break, it won't be the last beautiful girl...

Such a good song, Matchbox Twenty rocks.

Wellllll, pictures will be coming... later. I'm too busy right now to put them up. Between finishing all my end-of-term projects and totally turning my social world upside-down by accident, I have absolutely no time for pictures. However, I have had time for other things... like reading the Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons.

Yeah, Chartier and Tricker and I were talking about the Code last weekend and they convinced me to read it before seeing the movie. It was flipping amazing. I checked it out Sunday night from the library and read from 2am-6am, therefore not sleeping a single minute. But it was completely worth it. Mr. Brown is a very talented writer and the Da Vinci Code is by far my single favorite book in the world. Angels and Demons was excellent as well, but a little too modernized for my liking. The DaVinci Code was more historical even if it was a supposed attack on the Church. It's a brilliant novel.

I actually guessed almost every important part of the Code like a page before it happened, which was extremely entertaining. I also (accidentally) guessed the ending of the book because I forgot to read the epilogue and I was talking to Chartier about it and it turned out the ending was pretty much exactly like what I thought it would be. Awesome. So now I must see the movie! Yay!

I have realized that speaking is an art, and I usually utterly destroy this art by talking excessively and about extremely boring topics (both on my blog and in conversation). Note to self: be interesting or shut up. Good philosophy.

Hmmmm... what else? 1 more day of school + finals. Amen, alleluia.

Oh yeah, and I wrote something, for the first time in a good month I think.

I'm captivated and it's new
like nothing that I've seen before
the notes fade like the passing dew
yet we remain on ballroom floor

There's logic in our brilliant dance
strategic steps placed just in time
We cannot stop the flow of chance
nor crush the rhythm, meter, rhyme

O happy charm, O dazzled eyes
today the starcrossed folly dies

Prom. Prompromprom.

Best formal dance everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Ever.

Took an hour and a half to get all of my hair curled and pinned. Adam walked in right in the middle of it, which was highly amusing and completely random.

Jacob Staley rocks my world.

Gretchen's Revenge=awesome.

Guitarist for Gretchen's Revenge= :).

Bowling with Frashishy= entertaining.

Looking like a princess/faerie/ballerina for a night=priceless.

Yeah, that made absolutely no sense. At all. I'll post some pictures later. Adieu.

I've never received training in jet-skiing.... I think I might take it up!

Well, I suppose I should offer some form of an update, being that there is much to be said. However, I'm tired and I need to quit procrastinating. So I'll just Copy and Paste from my other blog and add to it.

"This weekend, I went to the last FOP of the Steubie school year. It was amaaaazing. When I was told by my friend Justin that it was an open invitation and that we just had to figure out transportation, things weren't looking to good for me. I don't drive and the only one of my friends whose car could handle the 14 or so hours on the road was picking up his girlfriend on the other side of town and wouldn't be able to backtrack to take more people. So I just prayed that whoever needed to go would be able to go, and a miracle totally happened. My friend Aaron's girlfriend decided to go with her mom and meet us there, so Aaron, Justin (Aaron's brother and one of my good friends), and I went together. This, without any further explanation, is the most uncanny group ever assembled. Really. It was absolutely ridiculously awesome. And we went to the Port for over an hour right before Mass. And I was in massive amounts of pain but it didn't matter at all because I was there with the 3 friends who I love most, praising the God that I love more than anything. "

This weekend is prom. Yay. Still haven't gotten shoes, garter, flower dealie, etc. Fun stuff.

I pidgeon-holed God today and told Him that if He could just get me through the year without failing anything, I would do the whole nun-thing if that's what He wanted.

Oh yeah, by the way, I might not go to Steubie or St. Francis or Loyola. I might go to Aquinas College in Nashville... because I'm discerning going into the Dominican Sisters of Nashville after I graduate. Long way off obviously, but I just thought I'd mention it.

I think I've laughed more today than I've ever laughed in my life (with the exception of sitting in the parking lot of the Super 8 Motel at Steubie with Elena, Aaron, and Justin.) while watching Comedy Central with some friends. If you haven't heard of Lewis Black, holy crap, find him. My face still hurts. I love it.

Soooo, yeah. Back to paper. Woohoo.

Wanderlust and St. Cecilia

Click it.


For the first time in my life, my heart is free of and unconcerned with human affection, and it is a truly wonderful feeling.

And the Antioch Retreat rocked.

Life is good.

I really want to be a photojournalist... amongst a million other things.

THE BLOGS ARE DEAD.

Dead, I tell you. Dead as a very very dead thing. I would say a doornail, but I don't really know what a doornail is. However, I'm pretty sure it was never alive to begin with, so it can't be very dead. So... dead as a piece of roadkill left on the road for 8 days. Yes, eight. Not seven, not nine, eight. Or dead as a 10-point man in the middle of mishawaka and ironwood covered in a fur coat waiting to be dragged away after a 15-point confession. HA.

Jesus Loves Me, This I Know...

...for when I pray to St. Anthony begging for help in finding my Rosary and am on the verge of giving up all hope, it turns up in the most random of places and is completely unharmed by cars, torrential rains, and small animals... so.

Yep, Jesus is pretty flipping awesome!

Michael's birthday= April 16. (What do you want, by the way?)
My birthday= May 9.
Prom= May 14.
Jacob Staley= Prom date.
Our theme= Mafia. Black and white. Pinstripe. Fedora. So cool.

Hm, what else? Oh yeah, I am the creator of the Hopelessly Stupid (But Really Fun) Scavenger Hunt and I love people. That is all.

Adieu.

I wasted 8 minutes thinking of a title and all I could come up with was this.

Well well well, back to the trusty old Blogger. I really don't have much to say except life is sweet, text messaging is taking over my life, and I am absolutely frisbee retarded. Considering I finally learned how to properly throw one about a year ago, it's not surprising. But Matt and Marcus, have seen to it that my ever-growing list of experiences does not remain as small as it is now. So they kidnapped me after daily Mass and we all went out to Rum Village and played Frisbee Golf (???) for like an hour. I would just like to point out that it is much harder than it looks and insanely more difficult than it sounds. I got flying-tackled by Marcus in Korean Freeze Tag the night before, so running up and down those hills was not exactly a wise thing. Needless to say, I slept till 1 this afternoon. I really should do something about this constantly-being-ill thing. *shrugs*

Still haven't found the Rosary. Contemplating throwing myself off a bridge.

Kidding.

My, I am in an odd mood. I was talking to Aaron the other night about human nature, and it was funny because I realized that when the 20 of us were playing tag, it was how man is supposed to live. Running around in a muddy park, feet bare, not concerned about time or money or any of the things of this world. As cheesy as it sounds, it was liberating.

TODAY IS THE DAY! I almost forgot to mention what today is............. Narnia! Aaron's wonderfully amazingly brilliant mom found out that the movie was coming out today, preordered a copy, and is going to pick it up this morning! Then she had the single coolest idea ever- a bunch of us are going to go to daily Mass, then back to Aaron's house to say a Rosary for the intention that all who watch the Chronicles might have instilled in them a deeper desire for Heaven. Then, we're going to watch the movie- complete with several varieties of tea (he and I are tea crazy), an abundance of crumpets, and some sardines! I'm totally dressing for the occassion. Yes, we're out of our minds. It's okay.

Anyway, I suppose this rambling post has gone on long enough, so I'll end with a fragment of the song I'm writing...

My soul magnifies the Lord
and my spirit rejoices in Him
for He has seen His smallest of servants
and has given me favor in His eyes

I am the handmaid of the Lord
and everything you say
will be done for His glory
Every breath of me sings His praise
for all of time- Magnificat

All ages will call me blessed
For the God who is mighty has done great things for me
His mercy is on those who fear Him;
the hungry will eat and the blind will see

I am the handmaid of the Lord
and everything you say
will be done for His glory
Every breath of me sings His praise
for all of time- Magnificat

Yes, it's basically the Magnificat, but the actual music is what makes it fun. I wish I had a recording studio, LOL. Anyway, God bless y'all! A.M.D.G

nirE (somehow, it just doesn't work...)
Erin

Is it dead yet?

Boondock Saints... oh man. I'm in love.

Anyway, about this whole 'life' thing...

My friend Carl just showed me a book that he illustrated. It's called Inherit the Land- Jim Crow Meets Miss Maggie's Will and it's a history nonfiction that looks incredibly intriguing. Carl is one lucky guy. He's already done many things I wish to do in my life. Granted, he is 10 years older than me, but still... He lives in Chicago, he's a freelance artist, and has his name on the cover of a book, to name a few things (not to mention he's from an incredibly cool Italian family and is the brother of one of my equally cool Trinity friends).

Speaking of Chicago, I should be there right now. But I'm not! Sad day.

Amble down the avenue
without a roadmap or a care
the shutter flies as fast as lives
will criss-cross here and there
under, over, everywhere
compelled to stop and stare
At color, bright and brilliant hue
Can't think to give a name
but something calls as twilight falls
-No two corners are the same.

Today was beautiful. It was wonderful to get out of the house and be outside and active (a bit). I wasn't in as much pain as usual by the end of school, so a bunch of us went to this bargain store and bought airsoft guns and then headed over to Salvation Army and I got a dress for $30 that I am TOTALLY wearing to prom. Oye, it's going to be a blast!

I think the air was good for me, but I'll find out tomorrow. Usually it takes about 12 hours for the exhaustion and pain to catch up with me.

Oh yeah, and the 4 failing classes, as it turns out, are going to be supereasy to fix. Woohoo.

I'm tired and I hurt.

And I smell like hawaiian ginger. Yum.

In other news, Satan is a tricky fellow.

And since nobody reads my blog anymore...

Look at all those people
they've got somewhere to go
sit back and taste your tears 'cause you can't let it show
I saw you speaking to the moon
praying for some magic word
but the engine's ticking heartbeat
was the only thing you heard
But don't shed a tear
I will come when the lights go down
I can feel you there, a million miles away
and I say

It will all fall away
it will all fall away
when horizons turn to shades of yesterday

Hello there, stranger
Can you teach me something new?
I'm smelling spring, seeing eternity, and thinking of you
Shampoo bottle's got news for me
an everyday cleansing is what I need
but when I look to the atmosphere I feel I could...
suffocate

but it will all fall away
it will all fall away
and horizons will turn to shades of yesterday

Somehow this simple hope is more than emotion
it's who I am, who I've become
shining like the sea
it's a drop in the ocean

But it will all fall away
it will all fall away
when horizons turn to shades of yesterday
Here, it all falls away
yeah it all falls away
and I thank the Lord for all those yesterdays

It is a song. I happen to like it a lot, it turned out well. It is, however, titleless, so any ideas are welcome. Oh wait, nobody reads this. Right.

So, thus far I'm somehow failing math, history, Junior Comp (because we have a whopping two grades in the gradebook) and HTML. I just can't focus in class and I have no energy to do homework because I am literally always sick. This weekend I actually went out with friends and babysat for Chip & Virginia for 7 hours. And I am still failing. And the quarter ends on Friday. Neither of which were the wisest of decisions. You want to know something even grander? I don't really care. Maybe I'll drop out and become a nun. Oh, how I would love that. So, so much. I'd have to drop out after prom though... hmmm... No. Actually, I'm considering homeschooling. Not very seriously, but it's a possibility if things go on as they are.

Aaron is going to be in Medugorje from Tuesday to Wednesday the 22nd. He also is most likely leaving for Intercessors of the Lamb on April 7th. Please pray for him, his safety, and his discernment!

All I have to say on this beautiful, glorious day.

Strangely out of place, and there's a light 
filling this room where none would follow before.
I can't deny it burns me up inside.
I fan the flames to melt away my pride.
Do I want shelter from the rain 
or the rain to wash me away?

I need you, I need you, I need you.
I need you, I need you, I need you.
You're all I'm living for.

I might sound like a fool, but I think 
I felt you moving closer to me.
Face to the ground to hide the fatal cut.
I fight the weight, I feel you lift me up.
You are the shelter from the rain 
and the rain to wash me away.

-Jars of Clay

My soul is on fire with a radiant, passionate love. Finally.

I have the echocardiogram tomorrow. I'm afraid that something is wrong with my heart, but I'm almost more afraid that nothing is wrong with it. My family thinks my sickness is an act to account for not doing schoolwork or something.

I don't know what's worse, being in so much pain, or knowing that the people closest to me don't believe it exists.

Learn to walk on your hands!

...Then you can use your legs for important stuff, like giving high-fives, eating sandwiches...

So, I just thought I'd update on my 'condition' (Ick, I don't like that word! Makes me sound like a cancer patient or something. Hmph!). The doctor called me back yesterday and said he thought there might be a problem with my heart which could be causing my illness. Thus, I need to have an echocardiogram and several other tests done very soon. This was much-appreciated but highly nervewracking news, as I've seen what heart conditions have done to several members of my family. I also got the blood test results back today. I am normal in almost all levels (there were 30 or so results). However, I am fairly low in lymphocytes (which explains the leukemia symptoms) and some other things. No big deal. However, the possibility of a heart problem is becoming more and more likely.

Last night I was sitting at my computer and I suddenly had a tightening in my chest, just below my rib cage. It felt as though someone had tied a rope around me and it was extremely painful. I thought my lungs were going to collapse or burst, and it really scared me. The whole ordeal only lasted about 5 minutes, but it seemed a lot longer because I had no idea what was going on as the sensation was completely foreign to me. Today, I had to call my grandpa from school to ask him to bring me Tylenol 3, because the shooting pain through my entire left side (lower arm, hand, leg) and the painful tingling had returned and I didn't think acetominophen would cover it. The symptoms remain on both sides of my body, but today they were especially prevalent on the left side.

Please pray that whatever is wrong with me does not grow worse and that the tests go well. I appreciate it.

Erin

Sad day.

Alright, if I've learned one thing from Miss Long this semester it's make things interesting, so I may be erring in this post but I really just need to get it out somewhere. I don't need comments or feedback or pity or anything, but I need to write it down. That's what this blog is for, anyway, right? Right. So onward I trudge.

About 4-5 months ago I started having sporadic headaches. The school nurse attributed them to stress and I went about my days as usual. Then, other symptoms appeared and became more frequent and severe. Now, I have a literally constant tension headache that goes from behind my eyes to my neck and the base of my spine. I am always freezing (even in my 73 degree house wrapped up in two fleece blankets), unless of course I am suddenly overheated for no reason. I have constant shooting pains throughout most of my body. They began in the left side of my pelvis, my right shoulder, my shins, and my heart, and are now anywhere and everywhere at any given moment. I basically feel like I have several broken bones at one time, or like someone has wrapped a wire around my limbs and pulled tightly enough to cut off circulation. In addition to that, I have had random painful falling-asleep sensations in my hands and feet that I can't explain. I am constantly fatigued and don't have enough energy to do most things during the day, even after sleeping 15 hours in one night. I feel faint and weak simply standing in the hallway, as though I am going to collapse. I don't have a fever, rather my temperature has been a degree or so below normal. Yesterday, I vomited for no apparent reason, though I hadn't had any food and was simply overexerting myself (walking up the stairs too quickly).

I finally went to the doctor on Monday, which gave me great hope that I'd finally receive a diagnosis and some medication. Unfortunately, the office was quite busy, and as a result my doctor said 'get more sleep, you're probably just overworked' and sent me to the lab for blood tests. This alone was quite frustrating because I get rather decent amounts of sleep and I don't think that could account for pain and discomfort and illness of this magnitude. So I waited, and waited, and finally today I got home to horrible news: according to the blood tests I am perfectly fine.

Now, to many of you, that is cause for rejoicing and quite a relief. And yes, to a certain extent, I'm glad that it's not as bad as it could have been. But I don't think anyone understands how frustrating and heartbreaking it is to be in constant pain and be supposedly completely fine. My fourteen-year-old brother said 'It sounds like you want it to be serious,' and you know what? I'd rather have something serious than have nothing at all. I know I should be thankful for my theoretical health, but it is so hard to have white-hot pain searing through my joints and a headache that could make my head split, knowing that there's nothing I can do about it. I wish, for once, I could have an answer. But no. When my teachers ask why I look like a ghost and why I can't focus in class, and my friends ask why I can't go visit Steubie and why I'm not my normal danc-y sing-y self, and when people ask why I can't stand through an entire Mass and why I'm always holding my wrists, I CAN'T ANSWER THEM.

It breaks my heart, it really does. I'm not a hypochondriac, I'm not faking it, and I don't think virii last 4 months and give you these kind of symptoms. I just wish I knew what it was. I wish anyone knew what it was. I wish I could do something about it. Jesus, help me, please.

Just A Bout of Silliness, Really...

Is it such a folly to want my innocence back? I know I went on about this quite awhile ago, but again the desire penetrates my heart with a surging importance. It seems that in this world, children grow up depraved of childhood, starved of the only thing they should be fed. Michael touched on this in his remarkably eloquent blog post, sharing a waxing poetic perspective of that which has haunted man for generations. The brilliant novelty of a dream or the spark of imagination has been struck down by the bane of reality. "Now," Michael remarks, "we have chemical reactions and particle waves and so many different ways to say 'I don't believe.'" Our parents taught us to be sensible, so we stopped believing in the abstract. It is a phenomenon that I can hardly stand to think of, yet myself bear witness to every day of my life.

As a child, I was forced by mere circumstance to bring my head down out of the clouds, to face the grotesque image of society and its terrors. But now I see why there is so much truth to the fact that the magic is always in the beginning and the end; An innocent heaven is found in the clouds, and we should keep every shred of it that we can. Bliss -not carnal pleasure or the thrill of wealth- lies amidst the vapors of innocence. It does not come in a mass-produced plastic case with an apple printed neatly on the side; it is not found for sale with bids starting at $125. It is thin and untraceable save for the fact that it brings incredible freedom, and it can only be found in those clouds so far up high- where all sensible earthly oxygen is abandoned and the face of gravity has long been faded. It is now that I realize the terrible fall that man makes when he tumbles from the peak of childhood, and must begin again from a trench. It is also why I will teach my children to make the beginning last forever and the end worthwhile.

Opium, Werewolf, and Too Many Fishsticks.

Ta da, new layout for the blog I rarely update anymore. Whee. Photoshop and CSS are beautiful things. Anyway, I'm off to do something highly entertaining. Right-o.

Those are pearls, right?

Fly Me To The Moon...

Today keeps getting better and better.
And better.
And better.
And better.

I went to Panera with the grande-parentals, and ate one of those breadbowls filled with soup. It was yummy. Way yummy.

I then proceeded to the new Petsmart, where I found out Jaques and Caitlin both work. Small world, no doubt! So I talked to Caitlin and it turns out that the hours there are PERFECT so I might be able to start work during school instead of waiting till the summer. YAY.

Then, a miracle happened...

I DROVE TODAY! Yes, that's right. I, Erin Hall, Princess of Born-Under-A-Rock-Ville, drove a car. In a cemetery. For almost an hour. It was amazing. I didn't run over any tombstones, or even get close. I did it! I did it! *dances with joy*

THEN pretty much the coolest thing ever happened, I came home and was talking on the phone with my mom and almost hung up on her because I saw that Giacomo had IM'd me while I was gone. Fabbyfabfabulous and a half! I thought he was an incredibly cool guy and all, but I never thought we'd actually ever talk again.

THEN I found out that we'll get to see each other again this February (along with many other cool Italiano and American peeps) in Pennsylvania. Unfortunately, it'll be uber expensive to do so, but such is life!

THEN I ran out of things to be excited about. So I ate a Twizzler. That is all.

With all the clocks counting down to love....

I've been missing things lately- times, faces, seasons...

I can't explain the nostalgia, but it haunts me at night, and I don't like it at all. I miss my childhood, the way my mom was before she got sick, my freshman year, my first kiss, my sophomore year, my many other 'firsts'...

... blah, too much icky-ness. Poems. The first one I wrote tonight, the second a month or two ago, and the third a few days ago.

Corridor

The shattered panes
touch scattered pains
and I
cannot forever lie
amidst this tearing, heaving sigh
Just waiting to inhale
all the world around
is stale
And I am left
the same as always
closing doors
in hopeful hallways
I crumple
and cry at the walls as I roam-
Can I please, at last, come home?

D.O.A.
Times grow bleak
and weaker with
the words we tend to
pass off as old.
It is I
who is the fool, now
with every glance.
I take a hidden breath,
wary that you may
mistake me for
alive.


Travellers
We embraced with a melody
loud, original
As we were wandering
away from home

We parted with a hesitancy
quick, hopeful
as we were struggling
against the flow

Somber, we are -ultimately-
nothing at all
Enthralled, we are -forever-
'uno,
lo stesso'


Feel free to critique...

Perceiving An Unreal Reality

Why is reality so very glum? No matter where we turn in today's society, it seems as though we are trapped in a black-and-white version of something that should be technicolor. The hassle known as daily life is full of disheartening stories and dull routines that leave us pining for the care-free days of our youth. As we grow older, we reach a point where childhood feels an inch away, and we revert back to an infantile peace. When we allow ourselves to perceive magic in the world, we are free to dream, hope, wish, and believe in reality as it is intended to be.

I am a child of seven years old, thriving upon the possibilities of a fascinating world. My expectations are great because my explorations are so very small, and I delight in expanding my horizons footstep by tiny footstep. I see playgrounds as kingdoms to be conquered, family dogs as noble steeds yet to be trained. And when the grown-ups tell me to come inside, my adventure is not abandoned at the threshold because to me there is no difference between that which is hoped for and that which is real. Life is a realm of intruiging enchantment when you are a child like me.

No longer in a juvenile state, I have been disillusioned by the twenty-five years I have lived. I recognized the folly of my puerile thoughts long ago, and have since been enlightened by the wisdom of maturity. I live in a new world now, a world of war, politics, scientific method, and tax deductibles. Surely, this is the reality that the grown-ups of my childhood knew. It is much more sensible, logical, provable; yet nostalgia taunts me with recollections of 'the good old days.' Life is a paradox, a complex equation, when you are an adult like me.

Twenty-five seems so far off, now that I have aged to sixty and seen magic first-hand. I laugh when I recall just how wise I thought I was, sealed off in my sterile bubble of modern scepticism. Now, I wish I'd kept those child-like eyes. Magic, just as I had suspected, is manifest in everything. I see it in my granddaughter's smile, in the changing of seasons that sing of my end, and between the pages of my journals. The grown-ups are gone, but they learned a lesson just as I did. Life is a quick moment of magic, when you are an old woman like me.

It is only in the beginning and the end that we understand reality, when we allow ourselves to dream, hope, wish, and believe in its magic. We cannot grow older or younger on a whim, but we can keep in our hearts the knowledge that the world is not what it seems. We may be discouraged and bored by what surrounds us, but perhaps there is a reason. The more we seek sensible answers to fill in black-and-white blanks, the less of this colorful world we will be able to understand. For reality is far from the dispirited haze it is believed to be.

We Like To Move It Move It...

I believe last night was the possibly the best formal dance ever! Except it wasn't at Palais. And I went stag. But I had an amazing time and didn't have to worry about any romantic rubbish that always seems to surface around this time. Yay! I'm still debating on whether or not semiformal was as much fun as the 24 hours following it, because MCQ, Emmy, Claire, Buns, and Kyle just totally rock my face off! I believe Windingbrook is my new home... or I certainly wish it was! We are so odd, I love them. Anyway, although I'm sure none of you are particularly interested, I'll be putting the pictures I took online sometime soon. I'll probably also make a long and meaningful post. I can feel it coming! Until then:

Jacob Staley et moi. Shhhh... Don't tell him, but I'm definitely asking him to prom.

The feet, the feet!! (I still don't like 'em)

Yes, I look like a freaking glamgirl. I am not. I just happened to steal some very spiffy glasses. I think I look like a blind person. Hm. I also think Meryl's face is the absolute BEST part of the picture!

Mary always rocks the camera!!


Yeah. Tres happy.

Kyle, Claire, and the best darn Frenchie on the planet, Emmy

What a lovely weekend!

I'll Be Seeing You

Hm, tonight was fun. I could have done a few things but I opted to stay home and read and write a song and watch sappy movies. It was fun! However, I made a drastic mistake by choosing to give 'the Notebook' another shot. The first time I watched it I was a lot different than I am now, so my reaction then was worlds away from what it was tonight. It's a pity, though, that lessons are often learned after they would be most applicable. I wish I'd (re)watched it sooner, perhaps I would have done so many things differently. How beautiful.

Aquafinaaaaaaa.

Goodness, only 3 days left. Even the people in my dreams know of the impending terror. This can't be good. Oh, how I can't wait for college... *sigh*

Why do I post on here? Bonus points and a cookie for anyone who can come up with a decent answer.

Well, it's off to drink green tea and watch sappy movies (a good antidote to the freakishly scary King Kong). Have a lovely day, and please, don't pet the lemur!

I just got home. I'm bored. I turned an Eggo into a brick tonight.

Haha yes, I know I'm different from most girls and no, I don't feel the need to make that known. I just found this really amusing, especially since I know a lot of these are completely not stereotypes of girls.... at all!

Girl stereotypes
50 Stereotypes about girls....
x the ones that apply to you.

[] 1. we dig axe
[x] 2. we're as afraid of you as you are of us
[x] 3. we try to impress you most of the time
[x] 4. we flirt alot if we like you
[x] 5. we flirt alot. period.
[ ] 6. the one thing we like more than you, are shoes
[ ] 7. we dont understand "guy talk"
[x] 8. we LOVE hugs
[.5x] 9. we hate it when you're ignorant
[.5x] 10. we're not that girly, at all
[ ] 11. we hate hardcore action movies (what?)
[ ] 12. we giggle 24/7
[x] 13. we are scared of almost anything
[xxxx] 14. we dont always like the "tall dark and handsome" guy
[ ] 15. AIM/MSN IM is our life (not lately!)
[ ] 16. you see our myspace layout? its our 865412875th one
[definitely not!]17. we ALWAYS think were fat, ALWAYS
[x] 18. our personalities change in highschool
[??? ]19. we have celebrity "boyfriends"
[???]. we're scared of clowns
[xxxxx]1. and we're scared of the dark
[ ] 22. and were scared of spiders
[xxxx, unless I'm watching it with someone to latch onto!]23. we HATE horror movies
[xxxx] 24. we're not sluts
[x] 25. we take things alot more serious than it seems
[xxxx] 26. we run around our house in t-shirts and oversized sweatpants
[Haha sleepovers? All the way? you must be joking... ] 27. during sleep overs, we talk about the guys we'd go all the way with
[] 28. we arent very athletic
[x] 29. we trust you more than our girl friends (depending on who you are)
[ ] 30. we are conceited, we just dont like to admit it
[EW. That's like wearing cake. On your face. ] 31. we cover ourselves in foundation
[???] 32. no matter how nice we are, we ARE bitches
[far from it] 33. we love being scared
[xxxxxx] 34. cuddling is our specialty
[] 35. we LOVE cars
[ ] 36. we hate alot of people
[ ] 37. we cat fight
[ ] 38. we scream when were mad
[ ] 39. we squeal when we break a nail
[ ] 40. we BREAK things down when we're mad
[???]41. we love to talk about our boobs
[ sometimes!] 42. the food in expensive resturaunts always taste better
[I think the last time I had a bubble bath I was about 7] 43. bubble baths sooth us
[xxxx] 44. when we dont know what to say on the phone, we sigh
[x ] 45. we are serious people...most of the time
[? It's attached, yes] 46. our hair is part of who we are
[xxxx] 47. we can eat a lot
[ ] 48. we hate cartoons
[ ] 49. our cell phones are our best friend
[] 50. we love the color pink...

My cell phone got stolen and I might need surgery on my jaw. That bites!

In other news, life is peachy. Peachy like the good tree peaches, though. None of that out-of-the-can crap.

G'night all.

Pretty Boy and Guilt Trips.

*blows off thick layer of dust* Wow, this blog sure went downhill fast. Was it ever on top of the hill to begin with? I'm pretty sure the answer is no. Hm. Does anyone read this anymore? Didn't think so. Skippy comments because I tell him to. Seriously, he is my comment slave. So onward we go.

Life is an extremely funny thing. Really, it is. Right now I have a sliced lip, the most miserably sore legs in the world, a baffled brain and the most disgusting looking hair you've ever seen, but I'm inexplicably happy. It makes NO SENSE. I think I'm probably the craziest person in the world simply because I know I should be meh or tired or upset or contemplative or something, but as much as I tell myself to feel that way, something isn't letting me. It's odd.

Today was neat, my cell phone rang at about 10:45 in the morning, so I woke up to talk to my friend Eddie for like 10 minutes (totally wishing I was still asleep after not coming home till 4) and went back to bed. Well, I thought I was going back to bed. At like 11 o'clock, my doorbells rings. Four times. I thought it was my brother's little dinky friends, but I opened my bedroom door and my old childhood friend, Ryan Onax, was standing there pulling my brother out of his bed. 'Twas much fun and cuteness. We played a bit of poker and then played 4 games of tackle football in this horridly frigid weather. It was my brother, John, Ryan, Anthony (one of the dinky friends), Jared Thomas, and moi, and it was so awesome. I haven't gotten that beat up and dirty in SO LONG! I scored the winning touchdown in the last game, I was very.... hm.... like this! ^_^. Yes, very much so.

Anyway, I'm tired as fudge and confused and desperately in need of sleep and Adoration! So what else is new? Adieu.

Alas, the blog is still at the bottom of the hill. In fact, I believe it's in a gaping chasm. Oh goodness.

I'm pretty sure God didn't want me to sleep this morning. Pretty sure.

Katy stands at the top of the stairs
As she’s leaving her father stares
What has she come to? Another boy she runs to tonight
Powerless he just shakes his head
Disappointed and off to bed
But he won’t be sleeping cause the hours she’s keeping are not right

She’s asking a question, how will I be
after this next one eventually leaves me?
How can a man be all that they say when all that I know
Is men run away?
I think I lose just a little bit of me in every man that I see

Danny’s been out now for 7 days
Funny how he thought the price had been paid on a past he hates to talk about
It’s everything wrong about him
He goes back home to a battle field and starts to drink as some kind of a shield
For the anger instilled in him and their looks are killing him now

He’s asking a question
How will I be when It comes down to the end and memories still haunt me
How can He have forgiveness that flows when no one forgives me
yet it’s Jesus they know?
I think I lose just a little bit of me in this family that won’t see

A crowd of confusion gathers round watching the light as he slowly goes out
After all they’ve talked about everything’s coming out now
Their anger turns to dead and gone
Hearts start to feel what feels so wrong
and as the time starts passing by and hours turn to days
in their heads they can still hear Him say

I came for your questions of what you don’t know
But you can’t see the answers unless I go
So give Me your hatred and give your diseased
Give Me your tired and I’ll take them with Me
Cause I’m hanging here losing every part of Me
Just to open your eyes to what you would never see
And to answer your questions there’s no place that I’d rather be

If my life has ever been encapsulated by a song, this would be it... wow. Goodness gracious, I love Jon Mclaughlin!

Sooo... I'm pretty sure I have a rare delusional disease in which every day seems better than the last. So every day you see me, you see me on the best day of my life. Like, the opposite of OfficeSpace. Oh yes, Apples to Apples is pretty much the best game ever created. And ice cream sandwiches and the Office rock my socks. Spontaneous combustion and Schindler's List. Oh yes.

On Silly Things...

Hmmm.... so I got home tonight and sat down a la computer, rifling through the usual spectrum of sites... Livejournal, MySpace, HSFacebook, Phatmass, when I found one of those lovely survey things that tons of people (myself included) have grown so fond of filling out. And as I began to erase my friend Miriam's answers to fill them in with my own, I realized how odd it all was. Why do people so enjoy answering random questions about themselves, posting them for everyone to see? I came to the simple conclusion that this world is driven by a desire for knowledge. We seek to be known- by others and ourselves- so we post lists of random facts in order that others might read them, appreciate our perspectives, and understand us more fully. We may also be driven by pride, the yearning for attention or approval, or the desire to be loved. Or we may just be extremely bored.


I'm extremely bored, so la dee da!


1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
Hmmm... I think the only big one is in my mouth from my surgery last year. Other than that, on my knee from a scooter accident. Silly scooters.... =P

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
A canvas painting, bulletin board, crucifix, 'Play Like A Champion Today' sign, a lei, dangly fish things, random pieces of art

3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
Just your typical camera phone!

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?
Goodness, pretty much everything except hardcore, rap, and punk. Mostly acoustic/ piano type stuff.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
Almost midnight.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
Love. Heaven.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
Living with my mom, sophomore year, childhood

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
Hmmm.... guitar or camera I suppose.

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
Either coconut or vanilla! I looooove them!

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Nope.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
Haha yes of course.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
I don't really wear anything except the occassional vanilla, but I love Old Spice on guys.... Yummmm!

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Haha typically short, I suppose it depends.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
I have no idea! I know the Lord has something awesome in store though!

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
Does tea count as an energy drink?

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Cheese, mushroom, or pepperoni

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Hm. Well, I just had Taco Bell so I'm actually quite full...

19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD/ANNOYED?
A friend's brother I think, possibly my friend as well

20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?
Oui!

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX EVER GAVE YOU, ROMANTICALLY?
Ummm, well speaking romantically.... I don't think anyone's ever given me anything like that. *shrugs*

28. WOULD YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING FOR SOMEWHERE FAR AWAY?
Ha. Of course not. How stupidly naive.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU? After they've already told you so you don't feel like a complete idiot if it's not mutual, probably.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
13

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
? Typically brunettes, though there have been exceptions.

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
Meryl

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
Pride in myself and others, fake-y people, drama

34. HAS ANYONE EVER SPITED U?
Probably

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Lots.

37. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST JOB?
Silver Hawks

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Haha definitely!

39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?
Hanging with friends at the Bell

40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Um.... I wouldn't!

41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
because I'm very, VERY bored.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
My voice and my hair, surprisingly.

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
I would wonder what they'd do at Mass.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I have everything I need... for now. =)

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
As many as God gives me.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Ireland. Yay.

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
Kind of. I look at them and think of how brilliant God must be and so they remind me to pray to Him.

48. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?
The pinkie! And the left ring finger, of course... haha.

49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
Adoration last week?

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yes!

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
I don't really like lunch meat.... at all. It's very slimey.

52. ANY BAD HABITS?
Yes, a few. Talking too much about myself/about things people don't care about and screaming when I get tickled.

53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD YOU OWN?
Why would I be embarrassed about my own music choice?

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Probably not... haha that sounds pessimistic but I would probably get bored with myself very, very quickly.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?
Nope. Not too much.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Singing, writing, sometimes crying. Rolling my eyes a lot.

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
Do I have one? probably not.

59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
Superficially yes definitely, but with extremely deep matters, it's difficult. *shrugs*

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
Haha the Sit'n'Spin!

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
No, of course not. Such verbal contradiction offers no comedic value of any sort.... *smirks*

64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
Nope.

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Faith! Sense of humor, intelligence, outgoing-ness, uniqueness.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Thunder Thighs. No, I do not have thunder thighs. Really, I don't.

68. DO YOU UN-TIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Who has time for that?

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Vanillayummmmm!

72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
The shiny blue favorite-car-and-prom-dress color, chartreuse green, magenta

73. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
None. Stupid surgery.

74. WHO/WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
Hahaha. I've learned that missing people doesn't really do much. As to the 'what,' probably the last year.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
No way. Hopefully nobody's actually read this far. If anyone has, I pity their souls.

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Jon Mclaughlin- 'A Song You Might Hear At A Wedding'

77. LAST THING YOU ATE?
Nachos and cheese

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Anna

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Sense of humor, confidence, that certain sunshine-y quality that just sort of emanates from some people.

80. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
In a hospital, I would assume.

81. SCARIEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?
Asthma attack. Tornado. 2nd grade.

82. FAVORITE DRINK?
Green tea or Dr. Pepper or good old H20

83. FAVORITE JOKE?
Oye, I have one, but I can't remember it.... goodness that bugs me!!

84. FAVORITE SPORT?
football or baseball or figure skating or taewondo..... or snowball fighting

85. YOUR HAIR COLOR?
brown?

86. YOUR EYE COLOR?
blue

87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?
nope

88. SIBLINGS?
mon frere, Matt the Brat

89. FAVORITE MONTH?
December! or October.

90. YOU LIKE SUSHI?
have I ever had sushi? No.

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?
I think I watched 'Deal or No Deal' and 'Everybody Loves Raymond'

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
Christmas Eve

93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
Well personally I don't really think it's necessarily MY job to do the asking (as Mira and Katie said), but I certainly don't think it would be because I'm too shy... Lord knows I'm not!

94. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Winter!

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Relationships, the way God intended it to be.

97. WHO DO YOU SECRETLY LOVE?
Why would I tell anyone on Blogger, LJ, or MySpace? Those who I want to know already do!

98. FAVORITE SONG AT THE MOMENT?
Already In by Jon McLaughlin

99. Lake or Ocean?
Ocean... and why all of a sudden no caps?

100. Biggest turnoff:
self-absorbed-ness. Overseriousness. Worldliness. Shallowness. Boringness. I'm-too-selfconscious-to-be-different-in-any-way-shape-or-form-so-I'll-
just-look-dress-and-act-like-everyone-else-ness.

Ecstatic Adoration

There was a moment when I thought
the fabric of time would tear
the world would seem a distant star
and I'd be far from there...

There was a moment yesterday
a long, drawn out sigh
when the heavens were screaming a beautiful song
and I
thought I could die.
There was an impeccable moment
a minute
an hour
a day
of sheer rhapsodic ecstasy
in which my soul will stay
Can you feel the brilliant light
that keeps me wide awake?
It grows and presses on me
till I feel
my core shall break

"I rejoice heartily in the LORD, in my God is the joy of my soul; For he has clothed me with a robe of salvation, and wrapped me in a mantle of justice, Like a bridegroom adorned with a diadem, like a bride bedecked with her jewels." -Isaiah 61:10

Joyjoyjoyjoyjoy.

It's funny, I'm about 99% positive that I've grown more in my faith in the last three weeks than in all the months since my conversion. Praaaaaaise the Lord. I'm about to burst.

Help me write a great(ish) song...

I'm writing a song (with piano!) for the Excel Awards (formerly Project XL) and I'd greatly appreciate your help. I'm posting a few pictures off of Chromasia, my favorite photoblog. You don't have to comment on all of them, but I'd be amazingly grateful if you could give your two cents on one or two. Not an in-depth, detailed analysis, but just what the picture makes you think about or any emotion it evokes. If it speaks a story to you, I'd like to know. You see, this year's topic is perception, so for once I'd like to step outside of my own. If it's not too much of a trouble, I'd prefer you email me your responses. Merci~!

Talking in British accents is probably the coolest thing ever. Just to let y'all know.

I have a post bobbing around in my head. I know exactly what I want to say... but I can't write. I just can't. It's such a good post... Stupid brain! Eh.....

A Beautiful Void

There is a stillness in my soul
a crystal sea of peace
And though I'm starving of myself
I drown in His release
The earth had set a banquet
of the most delicious sin
and its eyes embraced me tenderly
as a glance would pull me in
below the liquid light there lay
a depthless, breathless well
I gasped and drank the water
as I fell

I'll stop posting pictures soon.... I promise!

In The Meantime...

Just trying a few things out. *shrugs*

I'm Walking On Sunshine, whooaaa!

Wheeeee, shiny!

Matt's 'model' pose? I'm not sure.

Aaron Seng is freaking HOME!!!

And in our bunches of emails he never told me... the door just opened and there he was. Ta da. I almost broke my cell phone when I hugged him cause it flew out and the back fell off... it's a pity I don't have The Tank. And I totally had to leave for practice before Antioch ended, so all I got was an ecstatic wave and a hug and a few words. So not fair, haha. Anyway... Dangdangittydingdong! (He probably doesn't think I should be this excited about it, but hey, I haven't seen him since August!) Oye. Coolness incarnate. I better be able to talk to him soon or my head may just explode with excitement. Merry Christmas to me, eh?

Trying to prove that he could eat the Gingerbread Man...
that my uncle made like 25 years ago.

Umm... I don't know. I think I was imitating the nutcracker...

Oh yeah, and I got my Christmas gift early. Canon Powershot A610. Best camera on the market supposedly. Way sweet. Waaay too expensive, but still sweet. I love pictures so much, I've already taken around 75, from DQ and my family. I can't wait till break, it'll be muchos funos... or something. *dances*

Canon Powershot A610. Freak out.

Oh yes, that is indeed an ornament. Rock on.

Oh yeah, got a 3rd solo at the last minute for Lessons and Carols... that'll be a blast. Oh Holy Night, What Child Is This, and Night of Silence. Yay! Too bad you fruitloops won't be there to see it, Mary Cate and Sarah Holland and Will Heckaman have solos too, and they'll be really beautiful. Oh well.

Boo?

My Brother. BB Gun. Be afraid, be very, very afraid.

So yeah, today began my family's week-long Annual Christmas Deco Brouhaha. As you can tell from the pictures, it is usually quite odd. Much Mannheim Steamroller music and craziness, mostly me and my brother running around the house like idiots with tinsel in our hair and cookies in our mouths pretending to be possessed nutcrackers... anyway, just thought I'd share the joy of my new camera... haha have a wonderful next few weeks everyone, see you soon!

My beloved Boofluffymuffinpillowface.

And you thought I was psycho...

In Order To Form A More Perfect Union...

Sweet mother of snowglobes... behold! A treasure of incomparable sweetness... possibly. The piece of art that was at first the bane of my existence has grown on me in the past 6 months or so. I do believe that if the producers keep it true to its original form, I shall be quite smitten with it for some time. Now, the rest of you have likely abandoned interest, but I am perpetually in awe of the hilarity. Bon bon bon!

So, y'all have undoubtedly heard of the steaming conflict over the role of religion in Christmas and the de-spiritualizing of the holiday in the United States. Stores are forced to say 'Happy Holidays,' people are ticked at the President for putting up a Christmas tree in D.C., et cetera. Personally, I only see common sense on one side of the coin, but I will justify my beliefs (or attempt to) presently. This matter is extremely important to me and I do not feel that it is possible to sit back and ignore it.

First, I think we can all agree that the basis of this argument comes from the 1st amendment, and as to whether or not there is in fact an 'establishment of religion' going on in events such as those mentioned above. Some people are supposedly offended by the word 'Christmas,' a term used by priests and pagans alike for centuries. They find themselves to be in the minority and feel that we as Christians are imposing beliefs upon them that they do not themselves hold. It is true that the Constitution aims to abolish that injustice: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech..."

However, let's take a look at what the term 'religion' entails. I believe that there can be quite a bit of insight gained when one simply begins with the correct information. According to the American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, religion refers to 'a set of beliefs, values, and practices based on the teachings of a spiritual leader; a cause, principle, or activity pursued with zeal or conscientious devotion.' Very nice. Thus, it is true that to establish or enforce a preferred set of beliefs is unconstitutional. But how often is this done in every store, on every television, and with every passing year?

If the given definition of religion holds true, our society has in fact established several laws that could be considered in violation of the first amendment. It seems to me that as a devout Catholic, I am in the minority. You see, Agnosticism has become a religion, that is, 'a cause, principle, or activity pursued with zeal or conscientious devotion.' Materialism has become a religion. Lust, self-worship, hatred. All religions. I see people sacrificing thousands of dollars, their purity, and their hope all in worship of things of this world. When, on a rare occassion, I am channel surfing, I can immediately see evidence of it. If I am wrong, and people are not making cars, money, sex, and power their gods, why then the obssession with them? It seems to me that most go at it with more than a 'conscientious devotion,' and with something close to a maniacal avidity.

Personally, as a minority, I am deeply offended by these false religions established so firmly in our nation's core with wreckless abandon. My adversary, you are offended by a plant and a few words; I must face porn, 'reality' dating shows, MTV, and the juniors sections at department stores that sell nothing but skin-tight and low-cut tops. I see no sense in the accusations and goings-on of those who feel excluded because of trees and seasonal greetings, because I as a Christian must face worse than that. I know the facts, and I won't consider these accusations valid until the day that all impressment of idolatry is stripped of this society. Grab your calendars, folks, it'll be a long wait.

The Horror, The Horror(ish)!

Okay, this blog has gone depressingly downhill. Basically, I've begun to resort to one of three options. A) Be random and utterly ridiculous which would be a vain attempt as I could never outdo the chaotic randonimity that is Monsieur Miller. B) Be serious and offer insights and connections, thus making my blog completely depressing as it would be no fun to read. or C) post about my life and the odd goings-on of my day, which comes off as self-absorbed and really isn't that interesting anyway... Hm. Well, as Skippy witnessed in the car today, my brain moves rather quickly, so I'll just start typing and hope for the best.

For the past several years there has been a war raging in my household. No, not between the members of my family (though that is gruesome as well). The conflict lies, of course, between myself and the plastic bread bag. You know how loaves of bread are packaged 'conveniently' in the little plastic bags and secured efficiently with a twistie-tie? Yeah, that method is absolute crap in a wrapper. Every time I desire to eat a slice of carb-y goodness, that evil nickel's logo stares me down into a little hole somewhere in the furthest reaches of the Arctic Circle. The plastic crinkles and whimpers as I toss and turn it around, attempting to unravel the mess that is the mutilated yellow twistie. With a few more rotations and one final yank, I manage to free a few pieces from their ghastly prison. Now, here's the clincher: closing the bag. I just love the fact that no matter how many times you press all the air out and get it flat, there's always air in the bag when you reseal it. Always. Sure, it may escape eventually, but that's a whole half an hour or so of trapped air making the bread all nasty and stale. I'm sorry, but bread is sustenance, meant to be moist and delectable, not stale. Stale bread is about as yummy as my dead hamster's frozen carcass.

My old hamster suffered a truly tragic death. Now, in case you weren't aware, hamsters are only meant to live 2-3 years. Mine lived 5. Thus, the final days of Skitter's life were not those of valiant escapes or record wheel-running times. No no, rather, Skitter spent his last 72 hours on this earth trying to make it from his wheel to his water bottle. I went to bed one night and he was lifting his left foot, I woke up and he was lifting his right. Now, I may laugh at certain debatably serious parts in movies, but this was no laughing matter. This was one pathetic hamster, and I loved him very much. So, to numb the pain and hurry his death, I put him in a box with a few of his favorite yogurt drops and some shredded paper, and left him outside. It was January. One can only hope that I somehow developed the first cryogenically preserved rodent...

Anyway, tonight was fun. Busted a few windows at Ado, looked like a cute Uncle Fester at Rocco's, and saw a great ND finish. Bon voyage.

Why do I write?

I write because words are drops of light falling into the shadowed corner of a darkened world. They are the soltice of the heart's expression, the solitude of an art that has long been hidden. I write because I fall in love, I write because I see the world, I write because I am inspired, I write because I live. When life ceases, writing ceases. When writing ceases, life ceases to be life and becomes something to be observed rather than experienced. That is why I write: because it is my way of reliving, remembering, reflecting. A painter may create a masterpiece in his mind but if it is not on paper it is a mere daydream, unpursued and unapplied. Yet this is only my way. The easiest method of warding off false-life is striving for what we are intended to do in everything. Search for that beauty, pine for it. Bread will continue to be bread, as life will continue to be life, but we've been given toasters, and all we have to do is use them. So pull out the strawberry jam and butter and get cracking, the kitchen closes soon.

Let's keep as much of how it was how it is...

In case y'all didn't realize, the last post was written entirely in movie quotes... which is why much of it isn't true. Yes, OF COURSE I dance when there's no music! I'm a shower singer and a sidewalk dancer, I can't help it! Anyway, I'll edit in a little philosophical rambling tomorrow afternoon, for now I am basking in the misery of being an utter disgrace to inspiration's call. Writer's block... the headcold of the soul.

...oh holy merde... I just downloaded a bunch of songs by The Wrens, and there's a song called Thirteen Grand. This is so odd. It's just.... odd.

Thirteen Grand

Talk about all that you kept bottled up inside
Makes you laugh
then it makes you cry
I said it all too late
Is this real at all
you're not so sure
It's easy now because you're safe
can't change your mind
Moving on is not fair when it leaves me on my own
I lived my life waiting for tomorrow
but I guess it's your turn now
We trade these lines to get us by
but what's it matter
You keep saying Jersey's not a home
I thought I had it all figured out
but look who got it wrong

Well, wow. Is there another me walking about this earth?

Another edit because I don't feel like updating: I have a bad feeling about this Thanksgiving Break. I feel a fit of blistering anger that only manifests itself every so often. I think I need some steak knives. And a wall. And some Kleenex. Yup.

Don't Even Bother Reading This, It Will Bore You To Tears

I feel like trying something a bit different. Okay, maybe not simply different, maybe just extraordinarily weird that no one will understand... I won't expound, an explanation would only spoil....

No thinking - that comes later. I must find a truly original idea. It is the only way I will ever distinguish myself. It is the only way I will ever matter. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I don't scratch my head unless it itches and I don't dance unless I hear some music. I will not say, Do not weep, for not all tears are an evil. Sometimes life is hard for no reason at all, but that is what the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever. Now, go and boil your bottoms, you sons of silly persons!

Muahahahaha. That was fun.

When Aristotle Falls On Your Power Strip...

...your post gets erased. Oye, I knew I hated philosophy. Kidding, kidding. Anyway, I have happy birthday Jenny returned with more senseless blabber to brighten your day! But first, a plug for my friend Jon. This guy is an amazing pianist and writer, and deserves support in any way possible. Visit his site, listen to some of his stuff, and trust me, you will be surprised. Now, on to the potaytos and potahtos of the post. Well, in all actuality, they're the same thing, but hey, it looks amusing. I wonder which spelling would taste better...

I went to Lula's Cafe on Sunday, a place I haven't been to for a rather long time. We had Creative Writing Club there from 1-2:30, and then I sat by myself on a comfy couch, people-watching and playing guitar. It was really quite a picturesque scene, and you know how much I love picturesquousity. From 2:30 to 4:30, I was content in simply soaking in everything around me, and I must admit that it was the best thinking time I've had in awhile. I love thinking, just pondering and pouring over different things in my head. It's a curse and a blessing, I suppose. But it was much fun, and I think I'll be returning soon to meet Vince, the best person in the world. Not really, but he's pretty flipping awesome. In any case, I got to thinking...

...and then I stopped.

Okay, not really. I actually had written a chunk of a short story, but I got sick of it and deleted it. Oh well, it was merde, I'm sure.

I really need a digital camera. Really really. The one on my phone isn't sufficient, and it malfunctions half the time anyway. But seriously, I could capture all of my friends' lovely moments without any hassle. I think Michael's parents owe me their camera anyway... yeah, I think I'll just steal theirs. Sounds good.

I think this nose business is going to drive me crazy. I don't know why people have a fascination with poking, tapping, and playing with my nose, but now every time I'm bored or sitting at my computer I tap my nose. I don't even realize I'm doing it...It's really weird. It's going to end up with like a dent in it. I think a crater in my nose would be even weirder than my huge eyes...

Oh yes, I'm totally in love with Pandora.com. If you like music and don't feel like downloading it or buying it or sifting through radio stations, go here. Seriously. It's the coolest thing since fiberoptic wands, and we all know how much I love those!

Ohhhh, the choppyoffness. I hate it. If I end the post now it will be completely meaningless and I will be left feeling as though I haven't done an adequate job.

Yet, alas, off I go... more later I suppose.

light from the Love
that is no mere sentiment
remains
though dimmed, lost, forgotten
completely new
for it is
in itself
eternally Undiscovered

Thoughts? Inspirations? Goldfish?

And here's Eddie's friend now..... Porschnekov!

I have a massive series of bruises all over me. It's because Justin abuses me.







...No, not really, but I really do have a ton of bruises. My knee looks like a blueberry and my side is almost the same. Word of caution: Don't attempt to be the human slinky. It's a bad idea.

And don't serenade lawn gnomes. His eyebrows are not little grey clouds ready to rain.

And don't toss ice into the toilet. It is not a wishing well.

And don't eat dog biscuits. Even if it is your life-long dream.

And don't sing to the refrigerator water dispensor.

And don't talk to Mr. Simmons.

And don't try to be Superwoman in a tire swing.

And don't feed the Marcus.


Wow... I learned a lot yesterday.

Freeeeeeeeewrite.

All this time
too much to hold
it overflows into my hands
and so I fold
(It is a pity that
I'm a blind)-
little girl with this
sightless, spotless mind
I count the clicks
of metronome
that mark the moments
till I'm home

and this,
our brilliant escapade
has left me-
silent, silent
shadows of that old charade
have left me silent
silent

I stare out as the buzz flies fast
and wonder if
I'm no more than those thoughts
of seconds passed
Bread and butter is my soul
crumbling like pieces into the bowl of
chicken soup
makes all things well
but can it cure the tempest and the swell
of

this, our brilliant escapade
has left me-
silent, silent
shadows of that old charade
have left me silent
silent

I Bet You Eat Your Young...

Yeah, finally another update. I'm home sick (yes, sick. Not skipping.) from school and so I figure I might as well do something a little bit productive. I'll just throw some randomness out there as that's really all my brain's capable of producing tonight.

The retreat was great, really difficult and probably the worst retreat I've been on personally, but it went really well for the candidates and I know it touched a lot of people. And that's the point. As I hopped off the bus, the first thing I heard was Becki saying 'Erin! We're putting you at a table, is that okay?' So I didn't have to do the rose skit and I was incredibly thankful that the Lord worked that out for me 'cause I never would have held up. Let's see... talks were absolutely amazing given that most had little or no practice. Michael and Claire, in my opinion, could easily go into careers involving public speaking or ministry, and it was so beautiful to hear Emily finally disclose a story that even the team had never heard. Other than that, hmm... I liked P&W for the most part, Mass was interesting in both positive and negative ways, and Saturday night was a very much-needed experience in many aspects. I learned a lot about myself, the past, future, and the like. It was great to be prayed over by Jags and Sanchez, as they both prayed over me at the 2 other monumental retreats in my life, and every time they reveal exactly what I need to know. As I got up, Sanchez said 'whoa, you cry a lot!' ...Isn't that the truth... silly me. Backi and Lou's chastity talk... great. For the first time I totally agreed with everything they had to say, because now I totally understand it, and I have an amazing respect for their courage. The food was good. Wow, that was a long string of uncorrelated thoughts. Oh well.

On December 11th there's a thing called Lessons and Carols at St. Bavo. It's basically a musical performance that the audience sporadically participates in. There are tons of Christmas songs interwoven with readings and reflections, so it's about an hour and a half long. Anyway, I'm really excited because I'm singing a verse solo on 'O Holy Night' and Will Heckaman and I are singing 'What Child Is This?' and 'Child of the Poor' as a duet. I really wish y'all could come, but obviously the timing is really bad so I suppose if you pray for me that'll be just as great.

Wow, my writing is really not very articulate right now. Very choppy. Perhaps a bit of music will help. And no, this isn't about suicide, you silly people. Oye!

There's a postcard out my window
and it's moving at light speed
go from trailer parks to trashcans
from the highway to the trees
Now these roads have all been driven
and these words have all been made
what's that light that's coming toward me?
Why are the lines beginning to fade?

Beam me up Scotty
life's been grand
but on the other hand
I can hear Him singing my name
I'm ready to rise out
of all the haze
it's the end of my days
and I've lived them well

lawyer on the bed of his pride
still he's searching for loopholes
hoping maybe he'll be counted
as a silver made of gold
Nevermind these stubborn lies
you only have one track to record
so choose your words wisely
and be careful with your chords
so on the last day you'll be thinking

Beam me up Scotty
life's been grand
but on the other hand
I can hear Him singing my name
I'm ready to rise out
of all the haze
it's the end of my days
and I've lived them well

His hair is as white as winter
His eyes are loving flames
And so I spend each moment
I will win this race, this game

Beam me up Scotty
life's been grand
but on the other hand
I can hear Him singing my name
The skies are all on fire
and I'm awake
my soul is His to take
I'm just waiting now

Sometime In October

The room of holy angels
has been traded for a wall
and the voices checked by distance
seem no longer down the hall
A bottle filled with green tea
watches from some feet away
it just adds to piercing silence
with the words it doesn't say

So tell me, do you listen?
My voice falters at the end
The error echoes violently
but you remain a friend
So tell me, do you see me?
I am so far from pristine
My perspective's odd and troubled
like the cracks I fall between

So I will fall
not into the dark
on my own
I will shatter
if only You'll break me
I will cry tears of my tomorrow
and I will fall if only
You'll take me

Driving seems a lovely route
but four walls hold me fast
so I lap the miles in my mind
till too much time is past
trees that line my ponderings
are turning brilliant red
but colors aren't useful
for I'm blind when in my head

So tell me, can you feel it?
You're the road beneath my fear
Each false step is cold and balanced
each lost moment is a year
So tell me, will you find me?
I'm no longer on your way
I won't burn the bridge I'm crossing
but I surely cannot stay

So I will fall
not into the dark
on my own
I will shatter
if only You'll break me
I will cry tears of my tomorrow
and I will fall if only
You'll take me

So please, do you remember?
Details vaguely reappear
It was sometime in October
It was somewhere close to here...
_______________________________________________

Wow, soooo many different aspects of life crammed into one little song. Odd, eh? I assure you though, it sounds depressing but it isn't meant to be! (Note who is being spoken to and the variations in capitalization of the word 'you.' Might help a bit.) Feedback, critique, and/or analyzation always welcome.

If You Fell Off, You'd Probably Die!!

Yeah, I know, I just posted this morning and nobody's even read it yet, but oh well. I post again.

Satan is trying to make deer meat out of my soul. Like, totally. He's aiming for a complete calamity. Totally just dousing my heart in fear, desolation, loneliness, panic. And not the typical oh-my-gosh-I'm-being-girly-and-flipping-out-crying-and-dying-inside kind of stuff. I feel unusually calm. You may think this to be a good thing, but rest assured that it is quite the opposite. Hm, analogy. I'm standing in the sunshine but the clouds are looming in the distance, and even the sight of the impending storm is enough to put chills down my spine. I just pray that this storm fizzles before it reaches me. Of course, as a wise friend once pointed out, if you begin in the deepest trench of the deepest valley, the victory is so much greater once you're sitting atop the mountain's peak. It is with this in mind that I continue in the joy of the Lord! I think I'm just going to find Satan, tie him down with the chains of heaven, and make him listen to my praise and worship allllll day loooooong. That'll teach him. Can't keep a good (wo)man down!

P.S.- I'm in love with Aaron Seng. I talked to him on le phone tonight, way amazing to hear his voice!
P.P.S.-I'm also in love with Kreeft and Sheen.

What the heck is gumbo?

"I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
...
Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...
I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are ..."
-Five For Fighting, '100 Years'

New. Favorite. Song. Heard it on some credit card commercial and totally fell in love with it!

Anyway, I'm really tired. I didn't get to sleep until 2:30. Just woke up. It's 1:08. Wow, pathetico!

I just got a notice from the library that says I have three overdue books. The titles are The Melting Pot Book of Baby Names, The New Age Baby Name Book, and Beyond Jennifer and Jason, Madison and Montana: what to name your baby now. Umm, sure? Now, I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that I don't need those and have never heard of them before in my life. So why are they on my card? Je ne sais pas, the little non-fiction munchkins must be at work yet again. After all, there are like 2 or 3 other Erin Marie Hall's in St. Joe County's library card database... odd.

Okay, so here's the dealio. I think people who act when they're children, who do commercials and movies and TV shows, must grow up to be the some most realistic (and possibly most unimaginative) people in the world. Now, obviously not all of them, as a lack of creativity and the ability to dream is an awful disease that can fortunately be cured by simply opening one's mind to the world. But I'm going to bet that many of them are disillusioned at such an early age that the beauty of movies, the magic of how real they seem, is probably drained away by the time they become teenagers. In retrospect, however, it is possible that it has no effect on them at all. For example, I know all about how music and photos are made, I've been exposed to the writing process and the techniques of photography, yet with each picture that emerges from that darkroom and each piece that spills forth from the pen, there's still that sense of brilliance. Perchance I just defeated my own argument, but I still believe that if one could see the entire technique of how a movie is made, be involved in the process and see all the cords and wires and screens and cameras, it would totally suck the life out of the experience of watching the finished product. Sure, it would be great, but it wouldn't take one out of this time and space as some great movies do *coughLordoftheRingscough*. I don't know, just a thought. I'll have to ponder this one a bit more.

Oh yeah, in case you haven't already, go to SecretRome.com. Really, you haven't seen city and scenery combined in such a beautiful way. Browse through the most recent, perhaps you'll understand my wanting to live there at some point!

I'm going to go eat some Honey Bunches of Oats with Bananas; YEAH BANANANANANAS!

Have a lovely day, guys!

A Few Ponderings On Death...

Would you kill a total stranger for 15 million dollars?
One of my friends answered 'yes' to this. What do you think?

Likewise, would you die for someone you did know if it meant saving their life?

"You cannot love your neighbor as yourself
if you love your neighbor instead of yourself.
You must love yourself to love your neighbor."
-Dr. John Crosby, Philosophy Professor

Dang. Sweet. More later.

Coming soon:
-the ADHD Manifesto
-Sweet pro-life short story/article
-reasons why guys with Marian devotion are way attractive (see Phatmass)
-random songs and poems
-retreat garble

Yo.

Yeahhhh so I don't really know what to say, I just felt compelled to post something. The last week or so has been tres interessant, lots of laughing, which is waaaaay magnifique! I love my friends a lot, Merylio and Justin totally make my day. Of course, it's odd. Even though this year has been really flipping fun so far and I know more hilarity is in store, it really doesn't compare to the fun I had this summer. I miss you guys, Skippy and Alex and Michael...*Shrugs* I guess things just change like that.

Well, off to Piechnik and lunch... hopefully this time I don't launch anything out of the atmosphere...

I Love Fat.

I love fat. I order my fat, wait for my fat, purchase my fat. I wish to marry the fat. And I shall. And fat shall be mine, and I shall be fat's. The fat is the source of all that is good. The Israelites, at the foot of Mount Sinai, they took off their jewelry and fashioned... a hunk of jewelry. THEN, they all had liposuction, and fashioned it into a large ball of fat. Fat fat fat. Fat.
I cannot see out the window, the fat is too consuming. I cannot lift my neck, it is burdened with fat. I am weighed down by my fattening utensil.

I love fat.










...Why do I post this, since one of the two people who understand this doesn't know of my blog, and the other will never read my blog because he is too technologically impaired? I do not know. The only truth that I know is that the fat is beautiful, and ping-pong rocks my face off. The end. I mean, In Julius.

And then there were Barbie and Ken!

I have a shiny unhinged fooooorest... and another non-shiny. Yay yay yay.

I am apparently doing worship at Ado now. Yay yay yay.

The song Isaac and I are writing is amazing. Mostly on Isaac's part. Yay yay yay.

I now have Chem with Meryl. And Chem and English with Jason. And no more personal attacks. Yay yay YAY!

And now I'm off to the football game, totally enthused by a new love for my Lord and inspired by the joy of His unending mercy! Adieu!

Yum, aluminum! I mean, dog food!

I realize that I haven't made a good random, useless post in quite a while, so here we go! I shall jot down whatever thoughts come into this little head of mine and see what becomes of le poste...

Today was really sweet, it was vocations day, so not only did we have an awesome Mass with the coolest homily I've heard in a while, but we also had priests, nuns, and brothers come into our classes to speak and answer questions. I was happy because Sister Gianna Marie and Fr. Bill both came to my religion class, and Meryl and I ended up missing about ten minutes of lunch talking to Sister Gianna about religious life. It totally freaks me out, the possibility of a religious vocation. Odd indeed.

I have decided, and it has been voted that my old black comfy sweater is the best pillow everrrrrr in Krucina's class. Goodness, 3 dimensional algebra is a bore! I fell into a ridiculously sweet meditation on Pentecost during his class, and then fell somewhat asleep. Meh, I don't think it matters much...

Speaking of Krucina, a guy from Wizards of the Coast is coming to Strategy Games tomorrow, apparently with an abundance of goodies... Thus, I get free Magic stuff and can keep true to my vow of never spending a cent on Magic! Yay! I also have this odd urge to make a deck. I don't know how, and I don't have cards, but oh well!

Hm.... what else, what else? Oh yeah, the retreat is coming up. I am insanely PSYCHED because I know this is going to be sooo flipping fun to put together. It seems I've kind of taken over Alycia's leadership position, just kind of keeping things somewhat together and not-too-nuts and helping Lou and stuff. It will be fun. And I think I might be playing the girl in the rose skit again. I initially wanted to do the turn around skit, as I've done both of the other serious ones, but now I see that I connect to and understand the role in the rose skit sooo well, it is definitely what the Lord wants me to do! Also, I think it'll be really great to be able to work in ways that will go unnoticed to most. I don't know, the idea of unrecognized charity... it's way cool.

Oh yeah, and Isaac and I are bringing our guitars, so you can hear the 3 or 4 songs I've written if you like, and the uber awesome song that we're collaborating on... haha my words, his music, both voices. Pure sweetness!

Cleanse me with hyssop, that I may be pure; wash me, make me whiter than snow.
Let me hear sounds of joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
My sacrifice, God, is a broken spirit; God, do not spurn a broken, humbled heart!
-Psalm 51