Sunday, September 26, 2004

This is the air I breathe...

I'm not sure anymore. Of anything. The only thing I seem certain about is my faith, and even that isn't as strong as I'd like it to be. I want to love Him with all my heart, I really do. I've prayed so hard for it, just asking the Lord to come into me and fill me with the passion for Him that I've seen in so many others. At Adoration tonight, I didn't make it through the first decade before there were tears streaming down my face. Asking Mary to intercede for me, it amazed me that she could have so much faith at just 14 or 15, so much more than I'll ever have. I felt like Jesus was right there, waiting, but I couldn't have Him. In that church full of people, I felt alone. And not lonely, but really truly alone. I was still really shaken afterwords, but I realized that I didn't want people to comfort me. I mean, I did, but it's strange.

I want people to care without me asking them to.

"Will you lift me up with tender care?
Will you wash me clean in the palm of your hands?
Will you hold me close so I can thrive?
When you touch me, that's when I know I'm alive."


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