Wednesday, December 08, 2004

A post made out of selfishness...

Wow, I'm posting a lot since I dumped my LJ.

Well, lately I've been excessively upbeat. I mean, little details such as shoes with bows or giant cupcakes have always naturally made me happy, but lately I believe it's gotten a little out of hand. By the end of 10th hour today, I was even annoyed with myself. I realized through a little bit of prayer exactly what was wrong: I've been so happy lately, it was to the point that I believe my personality itself has been perturbing. Now, reading this, you may disagree, but I must say that unless you have met me, leave it up to your imagination, for it will probably do me justice. I noticed that I hadn't talked to a couple people in a day or two (or a week in one case), yet when I finally did talk to those people, I walked away knowing no more about them or about myself than I did to begin with, because I hadn't taken the time to listen. I've been so incredibly captivated in my own euphoric joviality, that I've neglected to realize that this world isn't about me. What kind of servant am I, if I can't even see someone in the halls without talking about myself? Surely none at all. And I suppose this entire post is a complete fallacy, and hypocrisy at it's finest at that. But I don't exactly know how I should handle it. After all, it doesn't seem to be a constant thing, just every once in a while. Well, I suppose I'll just hope for an end. I'm going to Agape, I'll finish my post then.

Several hours later...

Well, that feeling certainly didn't last long. Satan is attacking me, my soul, and everything that I felt as a result of the retreat. I feel myself falling back towards the crutch of paranoia, and it's hard to talk to anyone without wondering what they're thinking. After all, a friend told me that they didn't want to say anything for fear that they'd 'offend' me, and that's a scary thought! To know that someone can't be completely honest with me in regards to my own behavior, makes me wonder just what people think of me, but don't say! And it seems like they weren't the only one. One of my other friends seemed to have noticed it as well. I beg ye, all who read this... if people noticed something, why would they not voice it? How am I to grow if I know not how I have been stunted?

One final note, to those who go to school with me, am I overassertive? Please, IM me or talk to me or leave a comment, I'd appreciate your input!

Well, in any case, this post, along with getting into it with my former best friend about my faith, has really helped. God is here, and there is no way to get around it. Amen! And finally, my life lyrics:

Breath of heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me, breath of heaven
Breath of heaven, light up my darkness
Pour over me your holiness
For you are holy, breath of heaven

2 Comments:

At December 20, 2004 9:11 PM, Blogger SydneyBristow said...

bleurgh.

 
At December 23, 2004 6:29 PM, Blogger Erin said...

hm... interesting word choice.
Not fond of that post?

 

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